Waiting and Choosing

Every day I check the internet to see if there are any new house listings.  Ok, maybe more than once a day.  I may be a bit obsessive.  Plus, they made an app, people.  I can check it on my phone! 

Every day I check for new listings and usually there is nothing new.  Or, something new - momentary excitement -  that is not a good fit.  Two bedroom?  No thank you (I wish). 

The sensation is expectancy, a bit of doubt, a bit of realism, and then some disappointment. 

It reminds me of something…

It reminds me of last year (2018), about this same time, when I would check the Oregon State website: Oregon Adoption Resource Exchange.  This is the closed website that displays all the legally-free, adoptable children in the state of Oregon.

I would check it every day.  I would try really, really hard not to check it more than once a day.  I would search, altering the parameters.  What if the kid for me is just outside of my filters?  What if they are not 1-4 years old?  What if they are 11 months old?  What if they are older than that?  Maybe I should consider a 9 year old. I would read and consider and email our case worker, “what about XYZ?  What does ‘would do best as an only child’ mean?” 

I made lists, I took notes, I thought about what life would be like with each child and I submitted our name for consideration.  I prayed and yearned and prayed again.

We ended up submitting for 5 children and were selected to go to committee for 2.  That means the child’s case worker wanted us to be one of three families considered for the adoption of that child.  We could possibly have gone to committee for both, but thought that one was probably enough and also that one was actually a better fit for us than the other. 

God had a plan.

The child we ended up with was not the child I had imagined (I have been very transparent about this).  I tried really hard not to have expectations and yet… I inadvertently envisioned a quiet, 4 year old girl with dark hair – potty trained… loves to read...  Ok, ok, I failed at not creating expectations.  But we said again and again, “God, we want the child you have picked out for us.  We want you to choose.  Lead us to that child.”

And now we have 2 year old, bouncy, talkative (oh man, talkative), smiley, overly-friendly (never met a stranger), M.  And we have been assured and confirmed in myriad ways, that he is the child God wanted for our family.  Not the child we would have chosen given a line-up, but the child that was meant for our family (and vice versa).  That is more than a comfort.  That is a blessed assurance.